This is NOT fake news. I should not have to say that. Sad. – The President, 2019
After nearly three decades of investigation, world wide fake news has been traced to a single source. United States Social Military General announced Friday that many sources of hacking, troll accounts, disinformation, and distraction have been traced back to a single organization, The Feline World Militia, a terrorist organization dedicated to bringing about a new world order ruled by cats.
The investigation, which officially began October 1, 2017, pinned Alastair Black, a Scottish Fold who illegally immigrated to America in 2025, as the current ringleader.
Documents uncovered by the Social Military show the FWM’s plans for world domination include the mass distribution of cat memes, dating back to 2000, to distract the public from political issues. The goal was to create a dichotomy consisting of difficult choices vs. cats, a form of psychological warfare intended to create a link in the human brain between comfort and felines. Direct links have been found between U.S. Senator Red Knight and the FWM, indicating that cat memes have directly affected the popular vote.
Along with a list of other cats cited as having an affiliation with the terrorist organization, the Social Military General announced possible ties between the FWM and a number of celebrities, including classic pop stars Katy Perry, Lil Wayne, and Madonna.
“It was the Egyptian symbols,” the Social Military General said in a press conference Saturday, “that really brought it to our attention. These people want to worship cats, like in ancient Egypt… The FWM is known for their Egyptian symbols and Bastet icons.”
The FWM was also linked to allegations of voter fraud and foreign campaign influence in 5 countries, including the United States. Officials plan to reopen a number of cases in which humans with computers accessible to cats were charged.
The President and his rival candidate for the 25th Annual Campaign are currently locked in a 7-day game of Monopoly to determine who will serve next year’s term and are therefore unable to comment.
The Department of Media defense asks that all cat memes be sent to them for identification purposes and then immediately deleted.
via The Daily Post